Category: Life is Messy

Gosh, where did spring go. I need to work on that. I need a lot of things. Where to start. A plan… First, let me check my email – I’ll get back to a plan later…

So, you can measure about anything. In odd and simple ways, life is about measuring things. It is our nature; part of our DNA.

Just an observation. I was thinking about how many close “nonfamily” friends I have had in life. I determined, in rather quick order, that few folks have held this status, if that is the right word. I am thinking, hoping maybe, that this is because I am particular about who I let that close to me – rather than the alternative.

Not dwelling on that paradox, I thought how might one quantify it all – your best friend. I guess one method might be simple calculus, i.e., determine the number of times they show up when you need them – in good and bad times. Using this metric leaves no doubt who my BFF is…

Amazon.

There you have it.

I have an emotion / feeling I am trying to describe in a very simple way – leaving no room for misinterpretation.  To help, I turn to the Oxford dictionary.  There must be somethin’ in there somewhere… Let’s see…

Found it. Well sort of.  Not perfect but best I could find.  I don’t know, maybe not.

The difficulty of selecting just the right word that describes my complex feelings is, perhaps, complicated by additional competing behavioral conditions – the nature of which results in interference.  The symptoms I am experiencing tend to obscure rather than enlighten my predicament, like the principles of light gone wrong.

I am perplexed, puzzled, and uncertain – not good space to be in when seeking clarity.  The journey continues.

 

Someone treated me awfully the other day.  Here is the funny part, it was not clear to me that the person perpetrating this foul crime on humanity had any clue just how I was internally “feeling”.

Being honest, typically I am largely incapable of faking anything for more than five seconds.  This lack of ability on my part has been scientifically adjudicated, most of the living footnotes having been scribed by my wife of 45 years with some additional material being provided by my kids.

Nonetheless, I soldiered on and now had some input for my intermittent life is messy blog.

So there is that.

24 hours in a day:

Is time the great equalizer in a life?  A life that serves an economic system requiring you to compete for a living wage?

It may seem so at first blush – or so it did with me.  The more I contemplated the role time plays in a complicated system like “living a full life”, the more apparent it became that there is much room for debate.

Is time the great equalizer – one of very few level playing fields?  Um, nope.  Not as I now understand it.  But then, maybe I am wasting time right now.  Maybe not.  I dunno…

Baby need new shoes.

It seems to me, that there are many states of being that define living a life.  One of the best is anticipation.  A nearly permanent condition, anticipation drives much of the small tweaks we make to life decisions as we await results – desired or otherwise.  Not surprisingly, these small doses of life-tweaks go unnoticed by the host.  To what, I am not sure.

It does beg the question – is that a good thing?  More direct, does it matter and can it be controlled?

I have been inattentive in a few categories.  But then, who has not.  I am, nonetheless, optimistic in a number of life pursuits.

We are creatures of habit.  A habit is defined as “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.”  Fair enough.

So, it would seem then, that habits are learned – perhaps through an ongoing a sequence of behaviors – behaviors ultimately tweaked and tailored as the acts of humanness are refined.  Works of art or depravity – to each their own.

I am not clear on an obvious point – if we can actually “unlearn” something, Setting a TBI aside, what is that all about – the learning process?  Maybe it all comes down to replacing an old habit with a new habit – is that learning and forgetting?  Not sure if that result is a step forward or a step back.  Or, maybe, the result is destined to not move anywhere – a zero sum game in the end.  That’s depressing…

I think I need a candy bar.  I have one right here.  Time to execute.

I am looking forward to another wonderful fall semester.  Of course, I sometimes glance backward, but would argue I only look back to refine or recenter my current path.  I never seem to leave any bread crumbs behind – is that a good thing?  Another life conundrum.

As I navigate life, I also wonder if “looking left and right” come into play.  Is it just about forward and backward?

There is a buried life metaphor to be explored, but it escapes me at the moment.  I’ll let it be, for now.